Ayokong magsulat ng tungkol sa election dahil nanghihinayang lang ako na hindi ako makakaboto bukas. Isang akong privileged but self-deprived to-be voter na tinamad magpunta sa munisipyo para magrehistro.

Naiinis nga  ako na walang pasok bukas. Gusto ko kasing lumuwas kanina sa simpleng dahilan na nababagalan ako sa 31.2kbps speed ng internet namin dito sa bahay. Marami na sana akong nagawa kung nasa Manila lang ako. Pero wala ako don, kaya mabagal rin ang production rate ko.

Ang weird nga pala nitong nakaraang araw para akong angst-filled patience-free na hindi ko maintindihan. Parang nastustun ako ng more than 5 sec, at may napakatagal na cooldown bago makakilos uli.

Kung dahil ito sa pagtatapos ng summer, ewan ko. O kung dahil ito sa anxiety sa dota, ewan ko. O kung dahil ito sa mas malalim na resulta ng laganap na self-deprivation na pinagagawa ko, ewan ko rin.

Medyo naiisip ko rin ang susunod na sem. Ano kayang mangyayari kung next sem andyan nanaman silang lahat? Ewan ko. Kung may one-way ticket lang na pwedeng magrab agad-agad para tumakas sa kanila, sa pagyuyuniporme, sa PH itself, pero wala na.

Ayos na ako sa ganitong set-up ng summer. Hindi ko alam next sem. Sabi ni rannedom sa kanyang sariling mundo, lahat ng tao ay may kanyakanyang invisible tags. Yung sakin ang nakalagay ata: Lumayo muna kayo.

Ang weirdo ko talaga. Gaya ng pag-ulan at pagkidlat ngayong summer. Gaya ng pagtulog ko at pagtulog lang kahit hindi ako inaantok. Gaya ng pagsulat ko nito.

Wala uli akong punto.


(magthithird year na pala ako. hindi na ako kasama sa bracket na tinatawag nilang lower years. xett, ang tanda ko na..)


***
There are things that never turn out fine
Because you can't wait for me forever
And I can't dream of you all the time...
-Mula sa dating nasulat na tula

Yesterday, when I was about to go home, a couple was arguing about their 'couple life'. They were just seated on the row behind me (inside the bus) so I am really supposed to hear their dramas, their hurtings and their pains, their children, their financial problems and all.

I was entertained, really. More than ever, after the husband told to his wife:
"Buti pa nung single ako!" Nabulunan tuloy ako habang umiinom ng C2.Linchakan kayo!


In my whole life, I am with a blood flowed by  egocentricity and self-regard. I really have that high respect to myself. And as a friend quoted, my heart is a slave to my impulses. I mean, I hate it when I don't get what I want. It annoys me if I am deprived of something I want badly (or even without that degree.) I spoil myself. And I don't have so much of that self-control.

I dominate my life. I steer it, and make it. And face the consequences afterwards.

Being single, it doesn't really bother me. It sounds vain and weird, but I realized that I have never thought of getting married, but I have thought a lot of times of having children. HAHA. Okay, stop it, my entry is not about that.

Thinking that I am better off alone is very arrogant + + + selfish. Plus, it is very inconsiderate to all the people who are wanting to be with you. But looking at the brighter side, isn't it great that you can do whatever you want? You don't need to commit yourself to anything. You can do anything without asking permissions to a better half. You can go late at night to Starbucks. Or just blog around the internet without any reason at all. You can be as immature as you are. Haha. You are so freeee...!

Selfishness at its peak. I know it is not really good to think this way. Yet, at least, I can know myself better before I would engage to anything. At least, I can fix this immaturity before I get to bigger troubles of life.  At least, I could think over and over and over of myself. And of my friends.

Single-ness, really, is not synonymous to selfishness. It is independence and enjoyment. It's a stage of life where you just focus on yourself. Realize. Change. And Decide.